


Live, and if thou canst, be happy here

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Cheating, Falling In Love, M/M, Obsession, Office Sex, Oral Sex, Suicide, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 08:10:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15263130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: It had been going on for months now.They met in the strangest places, finding a time that worked for both of them.Trying not to stand out, because they knew what they were risking.From time to time Kei daydreamed, he thought about their relationship as the best thing that could’ve happened to him, and thanked his own resourcefulness, because he knew that Yabu would've never gotten closer if he hadn't made the first move.





	Live, and if thou canst, be happy here

It had been going on for months now.

They met in the strangest places, finding a time that worked for both of them.

Trying not to stand out, because they knew what they were risking.

From time to time Kei daydreamed, he thought about their relationship as the best thing that could’ve happened to him, and thanked his own resourcefulness, because he knew that Yabu would've never gotten closer if he hadn't made the first move.

But he hadn't been able to avoid that.

He had spent every single class of Architectural History fantasising about him, for months, so much that even without looking at him he was sure he could’ve portrayed him by heart, tracing every detail of his skin, of his face, of his expression.

He liked to imagine himself on top of that desk, the professor’s hands on him, his tongue searching for him, their bodies naked, wet, hungry, laying on top of each other.

He heard his voice get inside his mind, but he couldn’t understand a word he said during class.

He was always the first one to leave the room, running to the restroom to give some relief to his cock, which got timely hard at the surfacing of those thoughts.

He couldn’t do anything anymore without his mind running to him, without thinking he would've liked to be close to him, that he wanted to have the right to stand beside him.

When he had reached his limit, when he hadn't been able to live with that obsession anymore, he had gone to his office with the clear intent of telling him how he felt.

It hadn't been easy.

He had sat in front of him, on the other side of the desk, he had looked at his face and his smile had prevented him from speaking.

Then, all he could've done was act.

He had walked around the desk, leant over him and kissed him.

He smiled thinking about the look of pure bewilderment that had appeared on the teacher’s face.

Kei had had to struggle to get what he wanted.

He had hit the walls countless times with his stubbornness, with excuses like age or ethics preventing him from having a relationship with a student.

And he undid his excuses like a house of cards, every time, getting one step closer to his goal.

When he had been done tearing down every barrier, he had felt like heaven.

He remembered every detail of that afternoon, he remembered to have seen the shadow of desire on Yabu’s face, to have seen him get up and lock the door, and then he had felt a shiver down his spine.

He had let the professor take him on that desk, he had let him undress him and kiss him, lick him, touch him, while his head was rolled back and he looked at the ceiling, counting the beams to avoid coming too soon under the teacher’s tongue on his cock, while he thought he wanted that moment to last forever.

Somehow it had come to an end, but he had nothing to worry about.

From then on there had been other similar encounters, a lot of them.

And Kei, who had gotten used to be almost afraid of his classes because he knew in what state he was going to come out of the room, and found himself waiting anxiously for them instead.

And he was in class now.

The room was spacious, ventilated.

The weather was starting to get warmer, the windows were open.

He sat in the first row, his eyes fixated on Yabu, and as the breeze came in it seemed like the professor’s scent got into his nose, making it hard for him to come to the end of class unscathed.

Because the same images kept coming to his mind, with the only difference that they were now memories, not fantasies.

He saw the other glance at him from time to time, and he knew he was thinking about the very same things.

He smiled, mischievous, grabbing a pen and casually bringing it to his mouth, more and more aware of his eyes on him.

He saw him glimpse a couple of times between him and the clock, and when the lecture was finally over he waited for all the others to go out before getting close to him.

“My office.” he hissed and he left, and Kei waited a few minutes before following him.

He got inside  the room, trying not to stand out, closing the door behind his back and locking it quickly, before turning around an see Yabu waiting for him, leaning against the desk with his arms crossed.

When the younger got closer he jumped toward him, grabbing his face in his hands and starting to kiss him, hard.

Once he pulled out, Kei saw him frown.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, innocently.

The other grabbed him from his waist and sent him against the desk, then he leant over him, his mouth to his ear.

“Don’t you ever do something like that again, Kei.” he whispered, bringing his hands to his hips, under his shirt, before taking it off. “It’s been the longest class of my whole life.” he added, then he brought his mouth to his chest, licking around a nipple and biting on it.

Kei chuckled, moaning already, and distractedly brought a hand to his hair, keeping his head still.

“I'm sorry, _sensei_.” he teased. “I didn’t want to give you a hard time.” he joked, screaming from pain when the other’s teeth sunk deeper in his skin.

“You’re lucky I’ve got another class in thirty, or I would've taken the will to joke right out of you.” he scolded him, doing nothing but add up to the other’s cheerfulness.

“Any time, Kota.” he told him, relishing having the right to say that name.

And there they both stopped talking, deeming it useless.

Since the professor was in a rush, they quickly got rid of their clothes and Kei got off the desk, pushing his hands on his chest until Kota sat on the chair; the younger then knelt in the lewdest possible way between his legs, lasciviously running his tongue down his cock, never tearing his eyes off of him.

Yabu stared at him captivated, as if he didn’t have the courage to speak and ask for more, afraid it could've all been over.

But Kei never left him waiting too long; he was a teaser, but he wasn’t patient.

He propped himself with his hands on the teacher’s thighs, leaning down further to take his cock’s head into his mouth, followed right after by the rest of the length.

He heard him try and hold back a moan, while he brought a hand behind his head and held tight, almost hurting him, dictating the pace.

He thrust his hips against his mouth, letting his cock push inside, but Kei didn’t mind that he was the one holding the reins.

He kept still and let him have it his way, while he teased him with his tongue, feeling pretty smug when he heard him moan uncontrollably.

It didn’t last; a few minutes and Yabu pulled out of his mouth, glaring at him.

“You enjoy yourself too much.” he scolded him. Kei smiled, getting up.

“And you don’t?” he teased.

“Come here.” the elder whispered, ignoring his question, lust well distinguishable in his voice.

He put his hands on the small of Kei’s back, pulling him closer until he sat on top of him.

Then he brought his fingers to his mouth and Kei opened his mouth slowly and started to lick them, lewdly, mimicking the same movements he had just made on his cock.

He heard Kota whine softly, while he pulled his fingers out of his mouth and let them go down his back, making him shiver, until they found his rim.

“You’re going to drive me crazy.” he murmured, letting one finger slip inside of him.

He didn’t waste too long preparing him, he never did.

Kei didn’t care; he never felt too much pain, and it was always balanced out by what he felt after, by the friction inside of him, by the way the other seemed to always like it more, the less he was stretched.

When he felt him push inside he clenched his teeth and closed his eyes, aware that the pain was going to disappear, that Yabu was going to make him scream, that he would've felt pleasure, as he always did.

The elder clawed his hips, pulling him up as much as he could and then letting him come crashing down, getting inside of him deep, challenging his resistance, and doing the same thing over and over, meeting him with his hips, giving more strength to his thrusts.

Just as Kei had been expecting, it didn’t take him long to like it, to start moaning louder, muffling his screams against the other’s skin.

He felt him inside, every single centimetre of it, he imagined to watch at them from above and he felt his arousal grow more at every thrust, until it became almost unbearable.

Yabu let a hand slip between their bodies, stroking his cock at the same pace he was keeping inside of him.

After a few more minutes Kei couldn’t take it anymore and he climaxed, soiling the elder’s hand and his stomach; when Yabu felt him become even tighter around him he followed suit, emptying himself inside of him while he muffled a scream against his chest, biting down on it, hard enough to leave a mark.

They kept still in that position for a while.

Kei didn’t want to move, he didn’t want the elder to slip out of him, he wanted to stay there, his body against his own, the feeling of his warm skin, of his hands still tight around him.

He lazily rest his head on his shoulder, raising it a little bit to softly bite at his lobe.

“I love you.” he murmured.

Yabu didn’t answer, but he didn’t mind it.

Being there like that was all he wanted, and nothing was going to distract him from that heavenly feeling.

 

~

 

Once he got back to the dorms, he quickly waved at his roommate, dead set into going and take a shower, but the other stopped him.

“Where have you been after class?” he asked, sounding vaguely accusatory.

Kei sighed, turning to look at him and leaning against the wall.

He didn’t like that tone.

He didn’t like the look on his face.

He loved Yuya, he considered him his best friend and he cared about his opinion. But not on this matter.

When he had told him about his relationship with Yabu, he had disapproved it all the way.

He kept telling him it was wrong, that he was a professor, that they were over ten years apart, and that they would've ended up being caught, risking the elder’s career and the younger’s studies.

Normally he didn’t listen to him, he just nodded and pretended to agree, until the other gave up on making him see reason.

But there were moments where he couldn’t stand his reproaches.

When he had just seen him.

When Yuya came back early and found them together, those rare times Yabu dared be seen in the dorms, and he kept looking at them with all the disapproval possible until the teacher left.

When Kei felt happy, like now, and he seemed ready to undo his happiness piece by piece.

“I’ve been in Yabu-sensei’s office.” he replied dryly, as to make clear that he wasn’t going to take any preach from him.

Yuya arched an eyebrow and sighed.

“So you keep jumping at each other like animals?” he asked, allusive, and Kei felt anger grow too fast inside him.

“It’s not just that Yuuyan, and you know it.” he hissed, unwilling to relent on that. “We’re in love, it’s not just sex.” he said, then he headed toward the bathroom, nipping any reply from the other in the bud.

“You’re going to get hurt, Kei-chan.” he heard the elder’s voice following him, but he chose to ignore him and let the hot water run at its maximum, muffling any sound from outside.

He got in, brushing his hands over his face, trying to erase the last minute, focusing only on what had happened after class.

He wrapped himself again inside that feeling of warmth thinking about Yabu, while he kept repeating to himself that Yuya had no right to utter a word about something he knew nothing about.

He wasn’t there when he and Yabu went out together, outside campus, when they weren’t anymore student and teacher, but just two people being together, without being bound by secret.

He wasn’t there when he spent the nights at his place, letting the elder hug him to sleep, waking up the next morning with the smell of coffee in the air.

He wasn’t there, and that was why Kei wasn’t going to let him ruin the peace of those moments, the happiness of feeling important, of having realized what had been a dream for far too long.

He washed himself up accurately, getting surprised when he realized that his bath gel still wasn’t enough to erase completely the scent of Kota’s skin from him.

He relished that scent, recalling the feeling of having the elder on top of him, around him, inside him.

He stopped before taking it any further, he had no intention of dealing with his hard-on for the second time today, without having the other to help.

He opened his eyes to get back to reality, he quickly washed the soap away and got out, putting his bathrobe on and going back to the room.

Takaki wasn’t there, he must’ve gotten out, and Kei felt a little guilty realizing he was relieved.

But he couldn’t help it.

He was blinded by Kota’s presence in his life, and he knew it, but he wasn’t willing to give up on anything to listen to his friend’s advice.

That was the path he had wanted and chosen, and nothing was going to convince him to stop walking.

 

~

 

They had been together four months now.

Yabu had lost any qualm about the relationship, and Kei had seen him become more and more proactive, more disposed to get out of the shell of the university, his house or his room at the dorms.

They went out together more often, acting like a normal couple, without being restrained by the age difference, which wasn’t so obvious to begin with.

Not for a second he had doubted about the two of us, but he was glad that the elder managed to see this thing between them as normal, natural... beautiful, because that’s how it was.

That afternoon he had gotten out of the faculty with a severe migraine, due to the two hours of Design, which had left him with the feeling of having his mind completely emptied.

He should've had one more class ahead, but he had decided to just go before reaching his limit.

Once outside he had felt slightly better, and he had taken his phone, checking if he had gotten any mail from Yabu.

He hadn't seen him since last night, they had had dinner at his place, and that morning he was off work.

He didn’t find anything and thought about calling him once he would've arrived at his room to ask him what he had done during the morning, or to plan something for that night.

Cheered up by that perspective, he had rushed back to the dorms, already planning something to do with him.

In front of the door to his room he struggled a little with the contents of his bag to find the keys, and when he finally found them he opened it and got in.

He heard a noise, but he didn’t pay much attention to it.

He let go of his stuff on the couch, then he grabbed his phone again and dialled Yabu’s number, waiting.

It was when he heard ringing, the teacher’s ringtone coming from the bedroom, that he felt a shiver down his spin.

Instinctively, he knew what was waiting for him.

But his heart enveloped his mind, and he refused to believe it until he rushed to the bedroom, slamming the door open.

He froze.

He had to blink a couple of times to focus on what he was facing.

Yuya was lying on the bed. His head was rolled back, a look of pure ecstasy on his face.

Yabu was on top of him, his skin glistening, he moved inside of the younger moaning softly, in a way that Kei knew all too well.

When they heard the door opening and they saw him, they reacted immediately.

The elder pulled out of the other’s body, standing next to the bed and staring at him, his eyes wide open.

Yuya proved to be more clear-minded.

He picked his clothes off the floor, putting them on, and got close to him.

“I told you you were going to get hurt.” he murmured, then he left the room, not a trace of remorse or guilt on his face.

Kei barely registered his words, his eyes still fixated on his teacher, who had started getting dressed as well.

When he heard the front door closing he looked down, trying to find the strength to talk.

“How long?” was all he managed to say, his voice shivering.

“About a month.” the other replied, then without waiting for the other to ask for explanations, he went on. “He came to my office to ask about something we had discussed in class. We went a little bit overtime, and then...” he didn’t finish, but it wasn’t needed.

Kei knew the end of the story.

“Why did you do this? I thought we were happy together, I thought I was enough for you. I thought...” he paused, feeling a lump in his throat. “I thought you loved me.” he said, feeling useless all of a sudden, pathetic.

“I never said I did, Kei.” the other replied, firmly. “I like being with you, spending time together, I like sex and everything, but...” he sighed. “But I don’t feel anything for you. Not what you feel for me.”

Kei wanted to scream.

He wanted to tell him he shouldn’t have deluded him, because he knew exactly how he felt.

That he had used him like a whore, and that he didn’t deserve it.

And then he wished he could've begged him to stay, to stop seeing Yuya and try and love him like Kei loved him.

But he didn’t say anything of the sort, because he knew that none of those words were going to change anything.

They kept still for a minute or so, and in the end the professor took the initiative.

“I better go now.” he murmured, heading toward the door.

He didn’t look at him, he didn’t touch him, he didn’t give him any more explanation nor he tried to soothe him when he saw him start to shed the first tears.

Like he had gotten into his life, he just left.

Kei collapsed on the floor, exhausted.

And then he started crying for how useless the other had made him feel, because crying was all he had left now.

 

~

 

The next morning he went to the university early.

Meiji was deserted at that time, but the gates were already open.

He dragged his feet, and he didn’t have a clear perception of what was going on around him.

Last night Yuya had gotten back home late. He hadn't said a thing, and Kei hadn't asked.

He didn’t want excuses, he didn’t want explanations.

Nothing mattered anymore.

He walked slowly down the hallways, until he reached Yabu’s office.

He knew he had the bad habit of leaving the door unlocked at night.

He got in, feeling like a stab in the middle of his chest.

He closed the door behind his back and went sitting behind the desk.

A million images crossed his mind, all with the same subject.

Yabu fucking him on the wooden surface, Yabu taking him on the chair, Yabu making him suck him off with his back against the wall.

Sex. Always just sex.

He felt disgusted thinking that it had been all that had mattered to the elder.

He wished he could've forgotten all those walls had witnessed, that he could've forgotten all he had told to his teacher, while Yabu had always expressed himself only through his body. 

He had never said he loved him, it was true.

And Kei wished he could've gone back, not say those words and preserve that love inside, sure that expressing it had been his biggest mistake.

Because without that, he had nothing left to hold on to.

Nothing to forget Kota, nothing keeping him anchored to that life.

What could he forget him with, since he had taken everything away from him?

He felt nauseated remembering the smell of their bodies, their sweat, and he tried not to think about it. He opened the drawer slowly, taking a pair of scissors out of it.

He brushed his fingertip on the blade, finding it wasn’t particularly sharp.

It was going to take longer than he would've thought, but it was alright.

Kota had always liked to make him suffer, after all.

He liked it when he left marks on his body, he liked it when he got inside of him abruptly, with little to none preparation.

He had liked to break his heart in two the night before, telling him he didn’t love him.

And he was also going to have to like Kei dying in pain, there where it had all started.

He rested the scissors on his wrist, pushing and clenching his teeth.

He pulled.

It hurt like hell, but thinking about Kota’s face he convinced himself that nothing was ever going to feel worse than what he had made him feel.

He saw the blood flowing and he rushed to do the same on the other arm, before becoming too weak to do so.

Then he let the scissors fall onto the floor, collapsing against the desk and waiting to head to that hell which was the only thing expecting him now.

He managed to raise his eyes on the ceiling. He tried to count the beams one last time.

He was about to finish but he got interrupted, as usual.

He died, the smell of blood covering that of sex with Yabu in his mind.

In the end, he rejoiced about that at least.

The smell of death was far less nauseating.


End file.
